“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
The Litany Against Fear, Frank Hebert
The last few months have been very taxing on my mental and physical health. As gyms closed, and mandates reared their heads, friends took shelter, and society was shut down, all that I had left was my young and blossoming faith.
Though this webpage started as a technical blog, I think it is important for Engineers to remember their obligation to the public and the necessity of building systems which are considerate of their long-term impact on society. Faith does play a large role in how we view the world and treat one another, and it factors heavily into the things that I decide to build and spend my time on.
When you are being confronted, stand firmly upon your foundational Christian principles, and you will overcome any storm.
For months, I was potentially going to be placed on an unpaid leave of absence for a few weeks, and then likely let go.
My Christmas present from the corporation was a note stating I had one month to become compliant with health policy or suffer serious consequences.
All polite and reasoned appeals were rudely and fiendishly rejected by the worst and most cruel of HR personalities, who seemed to delight in the pain. With clearly intentional misunderstanding approaching comedy, one woman told me (as an evangelical) that I should be listening to the Pope!
The original deadline for this leave was the end of January.
Then the end of February.
Then the end of March.
Then they announced it wasn’t happening anymore.
Just three days before it was supposed to happen, before the sword of the executioner fell on my metaphorical neck, the phantom disappeared entirely.
Early in the next week, I made it through my probationary period:
At this time all I could say was this:
Thank you God for granting me the strength and community to overcome this threatening storm.
And if I had gotten fired - I should have been glad. I should not have fret or worried, especially about speaking the truth about these circumstances. Truthfully, even though I’m sure it would have rendered me homeless in a very strange time, I now understand I worried far too much about this circumstance.
Since your most serene majesty and your lordships require of me a simple, clear and direct answer, I will give one, and it is this: Unless I am convinced by the testimony of the Scriptures and by clear reason (for I do not trust in the pope or councils alone, since it is well known that they have often erred and contradicted themselves), I am bound by the Scriptures I have quoted. My conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not retract anything, since it is neither safe nor right to go against conscience. Here I stand. I cannot do otherwise. God help me. Amen.
– Martin Luther at the Imperial Diet in Worms (18 April 1521)